Sometimes people mix up the order of things and thus the cause and effect. For instance, with some medical issues, doctors have thought things like “oh, you went on this extreme diet, then you lost weight and had gastric issues”. No, I lost weight and had gastric issues, so I went on an extreme diet. In this case, i think the misogyny precedes lack of success at finding a partner. It can also be a situation of giving up too soon. For me, middle school and high school were so horrible in various ways that i assumed I was 100% doomed - I didn’t realize that life after 20 is very different. It still has high school social aspects, but it’s a lot better in many ways.
Please teach me how to make the best out of my 20s!
Be more accepting of yourself and follow those passions. Nobody cares in your 20s what you do in your spare time, as long as it is something. There is nothing more boring than a person who has no passions and just exists.
If I was to redo my 20s. What worked was going to university in my mid 20s. I was able to finish it much quicker and made some close friends during by that time as well as set my career path going. What I wish I had done was move away from the city I grew up in. I only did it in my late 20s and I regret not doing it sooner.
Have lots of social interactions. It’s valuable. Set yourself up career wise. Always check to know you haven’t hit a ceiling where you’re working. Exercise and travel lots would be my key takeaways.
Great advice, thanks!
Same here. I finished my BA at 27 and I went on to take an MA and then a PhD 10 years later.
One more piece of advice: don’t do drugs.
Eh I’d say experiment if you want, but be responsible about it. Don’t let it consume your life or have priority over family, friends, work, etc. If you’re going to party, best to get it out of your system when you’re young, when consequences are less impactful.
And if you do, do the fun stuff like weed, cocaine, shrooms, LSD, stuff like that. Don’t fuck with the dangerous stuff like heroin, fentanyl, meth, or pills like xanax or other benzos. Also alcohol can be dangerous too.
Unless you are not in a mentally healthy place, or know you are susceptible to addiction. Then don’t even try.
Doing drugs was good for me, but more than doing drugs was being selective about it. I smoked pot sparingly and dropped acid a few times when I was pretty sure I was in a good place mentally.
Always check to know you haven’t hit a ceiling where you’re working
Disagree. Sometimes its perfectly fine to hit a ceiling if you are comfortable where you are and are withing comfortable means. This always look for better is exhausting, and 100% guarantees you will never like your job.
To be clear, I am NOT advocating that people should stay in dead end job they hate. Do not under any circumstance willingly stay at a job you hate. you only get one life, dont make it about work or money.
One tip, say yes more than you say no.
Of course, there are exceptions, but try to say yes more than you’d initially want. If coworkers are going out for drinks after work, but you’d rather go home and stream/game/etc, go out. Same for other social activities.
As someone in their 20s who detests that kind of thing and wouldn’t ever say yes, what’s the reasoning behind saying yes?
Drunk people are awful, and going out is loud and annoying. Is it just that it’s a good skill to be able to do things that make you miserable?
No, it’s good to improve your social skills
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Find exercise that’s fun, that you will continue to do for the rest of your life. Exercise regularly. You don’t need to get swole, but it staves off mental health better than anything.
Compare beers to sodas. If you would feel odd drinking 5 sodas in a row, you should feel odd drinking 5 beers in a row. Don’t be the last guy at the bar/party.
Just build healthy daily habits.
Get fit by finding something you enjoy that gets your heart going, track your spending, learn cook healthy meals, listen well and develop empathy. Good things will come.
Let go of the small things and just be. It’s not exactly “don’t give a fuck,” but it’s close. Aim for meeting people and going out to do things, not necessarily specific people or popular things, just good people and things that are fun for you outside of the house. Realize you will grow and change a lot in your 20s, and so will everyone around you; so if you have a huge crush on someone your age that doesn’t like you back that way, then tell yourself you might really dislike them in 5 years so it’s not a big loss if they don’t like you now. It’s also OK to let friends go if you have an attraction to them that isn’t returned, because you have to protect your mental health. It’s OK to not drink or do drugs, but it’s also OK to drink and do drugs… just don’t do either to extremes and don’t be extreme about not doing drugs/alcohol. Try joining clubs for different things, even things you’ve never done. Realize most people don’t have things figured out in their 20s and that you can make mistakes. Make mistakes. Be well-rounded. It’s cool to play video games and DnD, but don’t JUST do that (especially if you want to meet women). Get clothes that fit properly, not necessarily expensive or cool clothes. A completely plain t-shirt that fits well (go to Target and buy every color of their Goodfellow everywhere V-neck T for $8 each) plus a pair of jeans that aren’t baggy and some Adidas shoes is an outfit you can wear everyday that will look good and is so comfortable.
really depends on the drug imo… It is like playing the lottery… I know people who have permanent health issues (ie - halucinations) now as a result of cannabis and my father died of an OD and got started on hard drugs via a laced joint. I’m not going to be an asshole about it but I really wouldn’t recommend doing drugs.
And that’s totally your choice, but if you judge or avoid others because of their choices then you will be limiting who will be comfortable hanging out with you.
Take care of yourself, dress in a way that makes you look your best, and pursue what you want. Also be fun to be around. Moderately attractive and fun beats out hot and miserable nearly every time
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I guess as long as they’re not maxxed out lol
Oh god no I’m joking dude no don’t do that lol
You could join the AirForce. Get a degree or two out of it and get to travel some. 4 years isn’t a terrible commitment. I’d avoid the navy, army, or Marines tho, unless you also want to aim for medical disability lol
Don’t serve the evil empire
Worked out ok for me
I was 21 when I joined up. Got my batchelors, saw the world, met some people, did some things. Now I’m settled where I want doing the career I want. I credit the navy with a lot of the growing up/maturing I did.
That’s not what this link says
Yeah, i drink wine all day and can’t actually read.
Yeah the sexual frustration is definitely caused by extreme misogyny though
Chicken or egg doesn’t really matter. It’s a vicious cycle that reinforces itself and gets worse the longer it continues.
These guys aren’t physically repulsive, it’s their shit personalities that keeps them from getting laid.
The study found the opposite. The really bad guys were the ones with many partners.
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Where in the study did they wrote that?
They may not all be physically repulsive, and all of their shit personalities aren’t all that keeps them from getting laid. 🤪🤣
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If I hadn’t met my wife 30+ years ago, I can see how I might have become a sort of paleo-proto-incel…maybe just more of a bitter old maid of a man that no woman would want to be around. I do feel for the incels. They certainly aren’t happy. There’s something unhealthy about a society that produces so damn many of them.
Yeah, I don’t know. I feel much more sorry for the girls and women who get hit by that hatred. And they definitely do. Online and sometimes offline as well. I see it in school (in Germany) how some boys as young as 12 already bought into the incel narratives and treat the girls accordingly. This has to be stomped out.
Everyone close to me was this. We went outside though and weren’t bombarded by screens 24/7. Had space to think and learn and solve and grow. Instead of echo chambers of ppl comprised of the worst parts of ourselves.
Sexual frustration comes from mysgonstic talking points that women, rightfully, keep their distance from. Why would I want to sleep with someone who is demeaning and insulting to me? 😂
Maybe not you but someone out there might. Age has taught me the world takes all types.
Contrary to the incel narrative, the study found that extreme misogynistic views were driven by a psychology of dominance and status-seeking, which correlated with having many sexual partners.
That’s the real problem. They’re not necessarily sexually frustrated, that’s only a piece of it. It’s a distortion of their value and self-esteem, projected onto women. “If I matter, women should sleep with me.”
psychology of dominance and status-seeking = entitled
Concise and accurate. Which is odd to me because I’d think that’s an Alpha Bro but apparently it’s a Chad trait.
it’s an abuser’s trait. Lundy Brancroft taught me that in his book ‘Why does he do that?’
I would have gone with pathetically desperate rather than entitled, but close enough.
Interestingly, that is the same logic MGTOW have for not wanting women in their lives. Just replace mysogeny with misandry in the assertion.
But that’s not the topic? I wish MGTOW would just go their own way already instead of pestering everyone with their bullshit.
It also comes from not being able to communicate to a potential partner how you would like to climax. Likely out of embarrassment or shame.
Also you don’t have to do shit for anyone that insults you.
very well put; vegan btw…
Thank you!
So if I understand correctly, the study suggests the driving factor might well be longing for social dominance and sociopathic traits and not necessarily sexual frustration.
So it turns out that it’s not a lack of women giving them a bad attitude - it’s their bad attitude giving them a lack of women. Who’d have thought.
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No because sexual frustration is just being inevitable outcome of their personality. This is only a revelation to people who never met them.
Personally I think not enough attention is paid to how community atomization and sprawl, and the near elimination of the third place in America, has fostered a crisis of loneliness.
Young men chronically have no outlets through which they can socially interact with women. The only place it happened was at school and maybe some extracurriculars if they were especially social.
Society unconsciously brushes this crisis off with “well the real friends that matter are the ones you make in college anyways!” Ignoring how that doesn’t help guys that don’t have higher study in their life plan, or the fact that learning to properly socialize is kinda the point of those grade school friends you’ll probably lose touch with in adulthood.
All that was the case even BEFORE the pandemic hit, now even school’s been atomized, granted, rightfully so in the circumstances, with classes going virtual and leaving students in a situation where the Internet is the only place left in the world where they can learn any social skills, and that’s where the damned redcaps and chuds swoop in to prey on their insecurities.
Also the fact that most clubs in colleges today are segregated
Wait what?
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well in my uni, most of the normal clubs (ie - acm) had womens versions which didn’t allow men. Additionally most of the clubs at my school were actually segregated by race/nationality/religion (ie - african students union, korean christian association, muslim student assocation, society of hispanic engineers, etc.). So there were only a few clubs I was actually allowed to join and it they were basically all white males despite not being exclusive like the other ones. Schools fund these clubs so that they can claim they’re supporting diversity and inclusion and sure they’re supporting minority communities, but at the same time I don’t think the results are what they were hoping.
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You can make friends anywhere. Many people make them in situations like high school or college but there are other options like church, work, online, clubs, hobbies, bars, etc.
It seems like a stretch to blame society because specific people have poor social skills and can’t attract a mate or friends. Putting them in social situations more common of the past doesn’t mean they’d have any better luck. They lack skills that take trial and error and lots of practice that most other people learn at a young age. I know a couple of guys that could be considered incels and they lack self awareness, refuse to listen to advice, and spend nearly all their time playing games online. If they actively choose not to work at improving their deficiencies, whose fault is that? If someone is morbidly obese yet refuses to eat healthier and instead goes out to McDonald’s for every meal, would you say the same thing? At the end of the day you have to take some responsibility for the situations that you find yourself stuck in. That’s not to say these people deserve it, but we all have our own challenges in life that we must overcome.
Came here to say something similar. Loneliness is the cancer eating our society. I used to feel terribly lonely, even with incredible close friends, around holidays. That translated into feeling lonely much of the time because I was aware there was no one at those special times. Side note: never been an incel or misogynist.
Id be misogynistic as fuuuuuck.
My running theory is most of these people are queer to some degree. They end up hating women because they don’t have the communication skills to express what they want out of a relationship. When they become unfulfilled then they blame it on the person they think is supposed to be fulfilling them. Sorry boys if you want your SO to peg and domme you you need to tell them.
While I’ve experienced some pretty horrible misogyny from some gay men, I don’t think this is even close to being accurate (and is one more way to make queer people the enemy). There are plenty of straight men who hate women but still want to fuck them. Those things can coexist, unfortunately.
You know, it wasn’t that long ago when it was pretty common for closeted gay men to overcompensate at hiding their gayness to the point of sexism and homophobia. People like that do still exist. I can imagine some incels very well being queer, and acting out either in compensation or confusion and frustration over their own feelings having not come to terms with their sexuality.
I didn’t say that there are no incels who are closeted. Just that I don’t think that it’s anywhere near “most” of them.
They can, unfortunately. Oof wasn’t my intention to make queer people the enemy in any form.
But I’ve known queer cis men to be misogynistic, granted not to Andrew Tates degree, because they were embarrassed to express their sexual desires.
So this very well could be me with a hammer looking for a nail.
That could be a cute romance story. Two incels bond over hating women and SJWs. They get together to play Valorant or browse 4chan in bed together while posting gore. They turn to each other and speak in green text and kiss.
It really would(n’t) be but that takes some self awareness and reflection many of them simply don’t have the skills to achieve. I’d assume once you have achieved that amount of self awareness you stop hating women but maybe I’m being hopeful.
What? This sort of sounds like some shit an incel would say.
So… what you’re saying is more or less that misogyny in incels is probably caused by sexual frustration?
If that pickle is supposed to represent incels, they should have used a baby dill instead.
In a post about misogyny, you being misandrist isn’t helpful.
haha smol peen funi
